The Reinvented Man, or "Good Patriarchy"

Since I’ve started this Mad Genius Studios journey and our mission to serve women entrepreneurs, some people have wondered why the focus on just women, or if I’m a man hater, or why I’ll talk to anyone who will listen about the reality that there are very few women-dominated fields, if any (I’m still not convinced). Before you say “teaching" or “child care” please think about the culture those exist in. For teaching, men are usually the principals and superintendents. For child care, the entire industrial complex puts more of the burden on the moms to figure out how in the world to work a full-time job when the school schedule and normal work schedules do not match up, plus the workers are underpaid and overworked and this role certainly is gendered and an extension of the expectations placed on women to be the caregiver.

But I digress. Last weekend I went camping, and as tends to happen, a fellow camper wondered over and started chatting. He and his family live out of his RV full-time to get out of debt and work on his new book, The Reinvented Man. Now, this fella was a man of God after three failed marriages. Although I am not a believer, I thoroughly enjoyed my conversation with this Reinvented Man. He talked about how everyone is against toxic masculinity and the patriarchy, but he asked, “What if the patriarchy was good?” I paused. How could there ever be a “good patriarchy?” The word patriarchy is inherently bad! It means men in charge! It means male dominance!

But I didn’t argue, just kept listening. He continued, “Think about it. If men behaved as they should as the “head,” that makes the woman the neck, and the head can’t turn without the neck.” He went on to talk about how men are supposed to be caring, protective, understanding, forgiving. Communicate. See. Be aware. And protect and love the women around them fiercely. There’s not supposed to be this posturing as the “head” or “dominant” but the men should serve the women and their families and society. If both men and women approached everything from a serving and giving standpoint, there wouldn’t be this rebellion against the patriarchy.

He went on to say somewhere along the way, men got lost. Blame war, blame greed, blame lust… but he wasn’t really interested in blame or excuses. He said men need to step up and do better, period. If there aren’t examples of bad men making the patriarchy look bad, then no one would feel the need to dismantle the patriarchy. He put the onus on all men to reinvent themselves and do better. Be better. Be love.

As we spoke for over an hour, I couldn’t help but think that what he was really saying is that there aren’t gender roles. He may not agree with this assessment, but he spoke of everyone giving, everyone anticipating other peoples’ needs, everyone being kind, courteous, and aware. It wasn’t about men or women being “at the top” or any kind of hierarchy; just be a good person, period.

I’m still wrestling with this idea of a “good patriarchy” because I strongly feel that men have been dominating our culture for far too long and it has led to a very ugly world. Why wouldn’t we try to put women in charge wherever and whenever we can? But as the book The Power pontificates, how would women treat men if they were truly in charge and fully in power?

I’d rather us live in this Reinvented Man’s mindset. We don’t need to have power over each other. We can collaborate and work together and we truly need each other. But it starts with each of us being good to others regardless of their gender. I hope I encounter more Reinvented Men like him who are actively working on being the best men they can be and are proud to be good to their families, co-workers, and communities.